he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
