The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
