i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
