enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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