I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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