I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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