i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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