I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
