Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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