My room smells like vodka and shame
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
