i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
