I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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