I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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