My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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