Christians are straight up FREAKS
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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