She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
