i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
