for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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