Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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