I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
