just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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