i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
