I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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