"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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