You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
