Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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