I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
