i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
