we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
