He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
