i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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