I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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