He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
