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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs

  (314): View more from Missouri

  you don't even go to loyola anymore

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• (806): View more from Texas

  I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Did it?

  (806): View more from Texas

  Not as such, no.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Are you talking about my vagina?

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces

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• (425): View more from Washington

  with great strapon comes great responsibility.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.

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