11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
