Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
