it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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