All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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