i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wish there were birth control emojis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
