I feel great
I just peed on a car
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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