fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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