As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
