these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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