see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
