you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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