So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
