so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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