This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
