she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
