We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
