I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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