I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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