every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
