Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
