Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
