I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
