i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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