Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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