You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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