He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
