Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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