was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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