You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
