you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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