do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
