dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
