so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
