and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
why is half of my head shaved?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
