Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
