There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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