OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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