So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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