3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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