I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
