Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
