you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
