I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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