I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
