Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
