i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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